A lifestyle blog all about Birmingham, UK.

Monday, 15 September 2014

my week on instagram

peach lemonade at the baltic social | me, hannah & kayleigh having a jolly good time | me before the night got wild | me and hannah pre drink selfie | liverpool from the top of the liver building last weekend | me and ellie pre drinking | monday night selfie | ellie came to stay with me in liverpool for a few days | filming the one show at the top of the liver building | my bbc wristband | my beagle is beautiful | can't beat a classic line from gavin and stacey.

Thursday, 4 September 2014

Summer 2014: Reflecting

Although I have been up and down to Liverpool the last few weekends, this Saturday I will be moving back 'for good' in time for my 3rd year of university to commence; so its time for a reflection post really isn't it!

Beginning of summer seems a bit of a blur now - I moved home around mid-may, soon after exams had finished and returned to my hometown. I had originally moved back to start a barmaid job in a nearby town, but after far too many phone call's and email's about when I would start, I shrugged it off and attempted to find another job - if a company isn't going to be organised with you before you even start there, then what the hell is it going to be like working for them?!

Soon after, I headed down to London to spend a few days with my friend Joy. We went to Finsbury Park and saw Arctic Monkeys (of course, they were amazing, as always) and then explored around Notting Hill the following day, we made a trip to one of my favorite places ever too; Portobello Road - seriously where dreams are made! I picked up a few things, including my best friend Ellie's 20th birthday present:

"If souls could speak, this is probably what they would say: 'stop worrying! you can do it. give yourself a break, you deserve it. Trust - why not? What are you waiting for? Stop caring what others think. Do it! Enjoy it! Oh yes, and one more small thing, I don't know how long i'm going to be in your body for, so for God's sake, make the most of it!"

I just completely fell in love with it and I just had to give it to Ellie. The thing is, I was a different person to who I am now at the beginning of the summer. At the start of summer, I was just so down; I was still incredibly broken after an awful break-up, I was drained from the past year of university and exams and I felt as if I was on some kind of emotional roller-coaster - I was, quite frankly, a mess. I was so desperate to get back the person who I was and perhaps an even better version. I wanted to open my mind up, see new things and just, quite simply, get over myself! Because when you're stuck in a rut, its difficult to see past your own problems and remember whats out there.

Luckily, my sister managed to get me a job soon after I came back from London. To say that the job was exactly what I needed would be a complete understatement - it completely took my mind off stuff for 9 hours of the day and I found myself getting a real buzz for it. I got a taste for what a real job after university is like (I have previously only worked in a bar and McDonalds) and I found it really helpful in not only making me question more what I want from my degree and what i'd like to do after university, but also the money which gave me the freedom to do things and see stuff over the summer. If you want to check out what I've been working on over the summer then have a look on the website I worked on; www.tshirtable.co.uk - I also did all the social media, marketing and all that kind of stuff, as well as actually making the garments - making me actually really looking forward to studying PR in my 3rd year. To be honest, it was nice to just not work in a fast food joint and constantly smell of cheeseburgers.

I spent a weekend in Bristol too, and it was around that time when I started clicking into my old self again - I stayed with my friend Jake (yes we went out when I was 15/16 but we are just friends now, promise!) and had a great time. It was so nice to visit somewhere i'd never been before and the place is actually pretty great. It was a weird feeling but I felt like I was cut off from the real world when I was there because everything is so so so relaxed and cool and it just has the best vibe. I just have to visit again some day.

Among some great days and nights with my friends and family, my favorite week had to be my birthday celebrations! I had an amazing meal with Ellie the night before I turned 20 and on my actual birthday, I celebrated in Manchester. Manchester is my favorite UK city and I hope to live there one day. After spending a few hours in the Northern Quarter, I have realized that the place is quite simply my soul mate - everything about it! Luckily, i'm not far away from there being at university in Liverpool so i'll be popping there a few times in the next few months. My birthday night out was also, pretty amazing! I also went on tons of cute day trips - I just love seeing new things and exploring new places.

This summer has been a real eye-opener for me. I've managed to do so much with some amazing people. I've also dealt with some more life changes but I feel so much better than what I did at the beginning of summer. I'm being much more positive about things, appreciating people more and looking forward to the future. I've also been able to spend time by myself and think about what I really want from not only my last year at uni, but in the next few years. All I did was take a step back, looked at situations for what they really are and quite simply, got a grip and told myself there's more to life than moping about over things that aren't going to change. But the main things that are important for my final year are staying on track with my workload and working hard, and having the best year living with my best mates - and going absolutely mental in freshers, of course.

(I hope to add photo's to this blog post but my laptop currently doesn't like me!)



Tuesday, 2 September 2014

a little letter to the sky

I used to run up the driveway, through your kitchen, past your chair and look at grandads music collection, asking just what the 'rat pack' was and if I could join. The distinct smell would hit you like a brick as soon as you walked into the lounge and I remember how mom would bath me and hannah after we'd been at yours to get rid of the smell of cigarettes and tobacco. Fast forward a few years and I remember sitting in my aunty's lounge and you not replying when I said hello. 'Nan?' I said again, and no reply, no reply from my nanny parker. It was up and down for a few years and soon there was just nothing - absolutely nothing. A relationship between a nan and her grandchild has disappeared and it was suddenly like you'd moved to the other side of the world - I knew you were there but I couldn't get to you. But you lived 15 minutes away - tops. Mom only told me the whole story a few years ago and I guess for around the last 5/6 years I've simply referred to you as 'my mom's mom' or if people asked how many grandparents I asked, I simply wouldn't count you, because you were just a woman, having amazing relationships with all my cousins and family and having no connection to me. You would probably struggle to point me out in a crowd wouldn't you? You asked me and Hannah to meet up with you and I denied - i denied because I wanted you to be taught a lesson - you cannot simply walk in and out of people's lives. And once - once in how many years you tried to get in touch - 'she doesn't want it enough' I would say. When you sent a card with £20 in to my niece last year soon after she was born, my heart broke. All I could think about was how many cards you had failed to give your grandchild over the years - 'congratulations for getting into university Beth' 'happy 18th birthday sweetheart' - nothing. You soon became the witch who couldn't put aside a silly family issue from years ago to even congratulate her granddaughter, I felt worthless and just nothing to you. And it was at that point I thought, that woman hasn't just broken your heart, she broke it years ago when she couldn't even say hello to an 8 year old sat innocently watching the TV with a plate of beans on toast. See, the thing is nan, for years I put on this front of 'she doesn't care about me why should I care about her' and yet all I wanted you to do was to pick up the phone and ask me how I'd been, all I wanted was a 'what happened wasn't your fault and I'm sorry you got caught up in it' but yet I'd sit there with my other grandparents and claim that I 'didn't need you'. When mom told me last December that you had cancer, I felt blank. And I felt a bit blank about the situation for months after, unsure of what to do - do I go and see you? I knew you were getting sicker and I questioned if I should say my goodbyes - but I didn't, I put it all to the side and assumed there was all the time in the world to say bye for now, nan. Just over two weeks ago, mom told me you'd died. And I reacted in a way I never thought I would - I cried. I cried, and cried, and cried. I felt guilt push down on me and I was angry with myself for not finding it within myself to go and see you in your last weeks. But then I felt guilty for crying - crying about someone I hadn't seen in a few years, even spoke to, even had a relationship with. Your grandchildren sobbed away and reminisced on all these lovely memories with you and there was me, crying because I hadn't had that. I hadn't had the relationship with you that I'd yearned for. But the thing is nan, I think we both know that the whole situation got out of hand and that when you asked me to go for a coffee I probably should have gone, but that's the funny thing, I'm a lot like you really aren't i, I was stubborn like you not to go and I've been stubborn about a relationship with you for years - so perhaps were just both in the wrong here. I'm not going to blame myself for something that happened between you and another family member years ago, but I'm not going to be angry anymore with you either and I reckon we are both sorry to each other at the end of the day. Nan, despite everything, you are family and I love you, because that's what family do really isn't it, they love each other. I will see you again one day but for now nan, rest peacefully and night night. xxx

Monday, 1 September 2014

my weekend on instagram

'Back In Liverpool' - beautiful stained glass in the anglican cathedral | chilling down at the docks | sat in the sunshine reading the skinny | left a little note for the big guy up in the sky | appreciating seeing this at the end of my new street | loving life with homemade lemonade at the baltic social | standard saturday selfie | Gemma embracing her inner MJ | couldn't resist this cheeky arctic monkeys reference in the taxi.
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