A lifestyle blog all about Birmingham, UK.

Sunday, 7 August 2016

Being brought up by two women...

I guess I have been contemplating writing this post for a good few years but just never thought it was the right time or whatever. But then, when is the right time to write about something so personal? May as well just say it how it is right?! But I haven't properly written a post in a while because I have been lacking some serious inspiration and motivation (when you write all day at work, it is difficult to get into the habit of coming home and writing all night too) so thought, I'll come back with something a little different... I grew up in a lesbian household, surprise!

I know in this day and age, it is hardly something to make you any different, but I thought it would be worth sharing. I have a mum and a dad, my dad is getting remarried to a lovely woman called Jackie in November and my mum recently got married to her partner of 10 years, Clare. Let's get some back story here... My mum and dad were together until I was seven, so they have actually been separated 15 years now. I won't go into the reasons they separated because it doesn't really matter. Soon after my mum started spending a lot of time with a woman, who she was with before Clare. I guess being seven years old, you just think two women hanging out were best friends and the whole lesbian thing didn't actually cross my mind until I was 11. Being so young and naive when my mum came out meant that I didn't really get it and just went with the flow. I still don't know all what happened now but I don't care because it is in the past. However, my sister is four years older than me and she struggled with it much more as she actually knew what a lesbian was.

I think I was in year six when people in my class first started talking about gays. It wasn't something that had ever crossed my mind and I didn't like that other people knew what they were and I was so oblivious. For me, my mum was with a woman but surely she wasn't gay like the people in my class were talking about. I guess I also thought that because I had my dad and his new family who I spent pretty much every weekend with in my life, I wasn't an odd one out in my friendship group. However, with all this talk of gay people suddenly happening in what seemed like every classroom of my middle school, well, it started to drive me a bit insane. So one day I plucked up the courage to just ask my mum if she was. She cried and said that she was, and we hugged and that was it. I told my closest friends and they all promised that they wouldn't tell anyone, because at 11 and 12 years old, you can almost guarantee getting bullied at school because of it. However, I did tell someone who I thought was a friend but wasn't really in my group and my school life did change.

For a few months, people in my year would pop up on the likes of MSN (those were the days!) and say things, but the majority of the time, and god knows how, I managed to shrug it off because I knew I wouldn't be a loner at school because my friends still liked me. I wouldn't ever say I was bullied for it, I know my sister had a bit of a rough time at school so I was lucky in that sense. For a few years at school, a few would make gestures around the room but I would just ignore them. I ignored the one guy because I was convinced he was gay himself (I pride myself on having a particularly good gaydar!) and would you have it, he now is, so take that as you wish...

However, when people ask me if I had a difficult upbringing etc because of my different family situation, I laugh. I am aware of those who have been brought up by gay relatives and have related issues in their life back to it, but I never would. I was brought up just the same, even in a household of two women. The only slightly difficult thing was dealing with four hormonal women at the same time! I was lucky enough to still have my dad as a male figure in my life, but Clare has always treated my like her own and supported me through school, went to parents evenings, came to my graduation last summer, it has never been a weird situation in my eyes and if anything, being brought up in a different home situation has helped in a range of ways and lets face it, if I ever need woman advice, wow, I can take my pick of who I can go to!

Someone once asked me if I could have been brought up by a mum and dad and had a fairly normal childhood, would I. My answer was no. Who knows how life would have turned out if it would have gone down a different path. The thing is, my family have made me, me. Who I am today is because of them. The way I am with others, is because of them.

One even asked me if I was gay because of being brought up in a household of two women. After almost eye rolling myself into a different dimension, I simply told them that a) it isn't actually their business at all and b) no, I like men as much as any other straight girl. Thinking about the amount of dates I have been on since I was 18, I could even argue I probably like men too much.

The thing is, my mum genuinely is my hero. She could have lived a life where she wasn't happy just to please those around her, but she didn't. She decided to bring me and my sister up in a home still full to the brim of love and normality, despite the differences. I laugh when I read articles about how gay marriage is the worst thing in the world. Because it isn't, it is actually wonderful how far we have come in just 15 years really. Being brought up by lesbians is not damaging and definitely does not impact your future, I am living proof. Seeing my mum and Clare on their wedding day was one of the happiest days of my own life, because my mum finally had her happy ever after. I wouldn't take that happiness away from anyone.

My little world and the people I have in it would be very different if I hadn't have been brought up by two women, and because of that I wouldn't change a thing.

Have any questions on the whole thing?!
Send them over, I will be happy to talk about it! 

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