A lifestyle blog all about Birmingham, UK.

Sunday, 2 October 2016

7 ways to handle getting dumped...


I know you're probably thinking 'another relationship post?!' but I enjoy writing about love, relationships and dating because it is so REAL. Back in June I started seeing a guy and within no time he was my boyfriend and we were an item. This was a huge deal for me as he was the first guy I had actually been serious with since my ex, which I discussed in a previous post here. See, it takes a lot for me to really like someone and actually want to be with them. I've dated and seen a range of different types of guys, but it is rare for any of them to stand out so much that I want to spend my time with them and put effort into something.

I've mentioned this a few times on my site, but I really do enjoy spending time by myself. It is precious and I appreciate those moments to reflect and think about what the hell has been going on recently. Especially since I started my job in April, my days are very busy and a lot of my nights are taken up too, so those times by myself mean a lot to me. So when I am willing to ditch those moments and replace them with a GUY, it is a pretty big deal for me.

Two weeks ago, the guy I was actually 'in a relationship' with dumped me. Lets just say, you can always trust your gut can't you, right? I knew something was up and in a way had already mentally prepared myself to be dumped. So when he pulled me aside on a busy high street in Birmingham to tell me he wasn't happy, I can't say I was surprised. At first, I was pretty gutted. I was annoyed when he told me that he had felt this way for a few weeks, who wants to find out that the person you admired so much has been living a lie?! I was upset that YET AGAIN I was the dumpee and not the dumper. I was fuming that I had just given him a lip balm that I did actually need myself. But most of all, I was annoyed with myself. Because yet again, I had let myself be ruled by a guy. I had done what I tell all my mates not to do; I wanted to be the perfect girlfriend but by doing so, I was losing the real me in the process. Thankfully, this isn't the first time I have been dumped is it?! So I wiped the tears away and got a grip. Here are the five things I did to help myself get through the rejection...

1. I got away...
Thankfully, within a few days of being dumped I was off on holiday, which meant that I didn't really have time to cry and overthink things because I was off on my jolly days! Even if you can't get abroad for the week, go and discover a local town or village and try new things. By doing so, you will keep yourself occupied and inspired. After my last dumping, I spent months in bed eating ice cream. Do not do it! (Well, ONE tub is allowed) Spend your money on something more worthwhile and get away even if it is just for a day or two. I was fortunate to jet off to Crete for a few days which did me the world of good. There was something about chilling in the pool, eating Greek food and discovering the local towns that made me remember that there really is more to life than a guy you spent just a few months caring about.

2. I caught up on the things I had missed
I am incredibly guilty of putting my life on hold when something new and exciting enters it. I was half way through a book when I got together with my ex. I was just getting into the blogging rhythm and I was about to sign up to the gym and get my fat arse in shape. However, having the honeymoon phrase of a relationship is incredibly distracting and I found myself putting all these things on the bottom of my priorities list and him at the top. I think it is a pretty normal thing to do when you first start a relationship. But the moment I got dumped I thought, right, I'll get back to what I was starting then! Over the past two weeks, I have almost finished the book, I have a list of things I intend to write about and I am off to my first gym session on Thursday night. Lets do this!

                                                                  3. I pampered myself                                                                              I'll be honest, I'm so crap at being a girl. Although I try and look nice, I'm very guilty of not putting effort in. Whilst I was away, I made a list of things I NEEDED. I jumped on ASOS and ordered myself a new winter coat, a few cute dresses and a snazzy new pair of shoes to come home to. I booked myself in to have my hair, brows and nails done and LOVED my day of spending a ridiculous amount of money on my looks rather than a meal out or an uber or two because it is something I just barely ever do. I headed to Boots and treated myself to some new products and I also picked up a new perfume in duty free at the airport on my flight back. There is nothing better than treating yourself and putting your confidence up a bit. I am a pretty insecure girl, so anything that brings a bit of confidence to my life I am all for and I recommend that to girls and guys.

4. I got myself back out there
I didn't do it straight away, but I eventually put myself back onto a couple of dating apps. I'll be honest, I'm not looking for a boyfriend but what is the harm in keeping your options open, right? It is always fun talking to new people anyway, even if you fancy them or you don't. Also, a couple of hours on a dating app is sure to make you a bit confident again, it helped with mine. After all, just because your ex no longer thinks you're gorgeous and the best thing on earth doesn't mean some other guy won't! It is cool to get talking to people again and discovering more about what you like in someone, and what you could do without.

5. I made a list...
You know me, I love a good list! Not only do they give me a guideline and something to follow, there is always so much satisfaction in ticking things off a list. In fact, I think it is very under appreciated! On the night of getting dumped, I wrote a list of things I am fortunate to have in life and things I have to look forward to. I also wrote a list of things I like about myself and things I want to work on. By doing so, I remembered what was really important to me other than a love life and what I need to focus on in the future. It may sound like a corny thing to do, but by taking that time to reassess your current life situation, you're working towards something and evolving with yourself, giving yourself small tasks to work towards goals.

6. Make yourself a banging playlist!
Music has always been the first thing I have turned to in times of happiness and sadness and it is the number one thing that always works. Last week, I made myself a 'single vibes' playlist and I have no regrets! I have packed it full to the brim of tunes that just scream independence, with everything from TLC, Jennifer Lopez and Destiny's Child to Aretha Franklin, Carly Simon and Madonna. Not only do these songs put a huge smile on my face, they make me super happy and lift me right up when I have a 'oh I've just been dumped' moment.

7. I remembered what was important 
This was the exact conversation I had in my mind last week: "Beth, you are 22 years old. You probably weren't going to marry the guy and it was never going to be incredibly serious because you were both in such different times of your lives. Let it go and just roll with it." I would be lying if I said that I didn't want a marriage and kids and a home etc etc in years to come, but if these things are meant to be, they will HAPPEN! I think in times when you've been rejected and you're feeling down, you need to remember that you will not always feel this way. It is also important to remember that a quality an ex didn't like in you could be something that another guy adores about you, so don't bother changing yourself because you weren't good enough for them, because you are good enough for someone out there and if they are meant to be in your life, they will find their way to you.

A good way to think about it is this; all the lessons you learn in love mean something. In relationships, you learn about yourself and what you want in someone else. With each person, we learn more and more. All these lessons learned mean something and even if you can't point out why at this moment in time, in years to come you will learn to understand why some things worked, and others didn't. 
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3 comments

  1. great blog as usual Beth, love it x

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  2. great blog as usual Beth, love it x

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